Alerts to Terror Threats in 2011 Europe - attributed to John Cleese
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's Get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
The French Government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.
The Italians have increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Australians, meanwhile, have raised their security level from "No worries" to "She'll be Alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! Might need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.
The attitude here in Ulverston , does so reflect the depiction of the English .
When will anyone desert their TV or on the part of the Knowhere Rabble, their computers, to even glance at our dying market and the future of our shops and community life ?
When will Ralph Spours turn a hair and admit we have problems. When will the Town Council do more than talk.
Where are the Scots in our midst?
I know one who fits the description well.
BTW I'm descended from to the rebel protestant Huguenots.
When will Ralph Spours turn a hair and admit we have problems. When will the Town Council do more than talk.
Where are the Scots in our midst?
I know one who fits the description well.
BTW I'm descended from to the rebel protestant Huguenots.
7 comments:
It may, or may not, have escaped your notice that two of the busiest shops in town are the "pound" shop, and bargain booze. There's stuff in there that "locals" want to buy without having to travel miles to get it,and,in the case of BB,is open after 4pm on a Sunday and is "what residents want" as opposed to "quirk" which is foisted upon us and is closed on a Sunday anyway. The people will decide by their spending power what we want in our town,rather than what "others" think we should have. If people want to buy overpriced "farmers" meat, or second rate fruit and veg then the outdoor market would be a roaring success week in week out, rather than just high days and holidays, when it's shut anyway!!
No it hasn't escaped my notice!
Can a town survive with only these kind of shops?
Surely we need a full spectrum of shops to attract as many people as possible. The wider the range the better.
Some will be high profit margin encouraging the possibility of support for local people supplying the goods; others depend on buying goods elsewhere cheaply and having a high turnover with relatively low labour costs.
How many man-hours of jobs do shops like the latter generate for the local population?
How many could the town support?
For me the most worrying was the loss of Armstrongs Insurance. Without a wide range of shops including ones like this people from nearby will travel and shop where they can get this kind of service - Barrow?
What in my view Ulverston is good at is contact and care from people who offer services beyond what they sell.
Graham at Smith and Harrison's in addition to unusual goods, offers back chat, humour and ribbing for football enthusiasts. Worth a lot when you want to enjoy contact with real people.
The people at 'pound' shops have little time for chat.
Don't we benefit from a wide range of 'different' shops run by 'characters' in these times when life can be very grey.
Splashes of colour make life enjoyable (?)
I agree about the town needing "character shops" but, the Demograph is unbalanced, thus catering for visitors rather than residents. If you waant "quirk and caff" then Ulverston is definitely for you. However,if you want to feed and clothe yourself and your children then the massive spending power of residents goes to Barrow, or, better still, Lancaster. Any business that supplies goods and services that people want to buy locally will succeed. I personally dislike having to go to Barrow to shop, but am forced to because Ulverston cannot meet all my shopping needs. We need, I think,a shopping centre on the immediate outskirts and then the "quirky" stuff can be left to battle it out for whats left of our money!
What you say makes a lot of sense though would it not end up like thge situation a Booths where a visit there is all we see of local people.
These days wouldn't people want to go to Lancaster if it's the large stores they want.
Would a large clothes store ever want to come to Ulverston when there are stores at Barrow and Lancaster.
Don't we need to accept that a large amount of the spending that is available is most likely to come from tourists.
We can however have a strong influence on the kind of tourists that come.
Interesting and quirky certainly appeals to those with money and those coming off season. When at The Falls I was attracting tourists 'well off' people continuously - and full from mid February to late October. I worked very hard on advertising and press articles to achieve this and it would be difficult to replicate this now but so is any business.
I suspect it's the better off that are not feeling the pinch of the present financial crisis. Now I'd be looking to attract the Chinese, Japanese, Americans and Europeans.
Adaptability is at the heart of being a good businessman.
Ulverston has to see itself as a business which doesn't mean having a miserable time or losing out to local activities and community involvement. The latter are an attraction and we get the benefit of getting to know interesting adventurous people in our streets and pubs.
I'm reminded of the Zorba the Greek character where he 'saw the world' by the world coming to him!
I wholeheartedly agree Geoff. Ulverston needs to market itself properly and act more like a business with proper goals and plans to achieve those goals.
If we want to attract the Japanese we should invent a Beatrix Potter connection with the town - they are massively keen on her.
How about theming one of our many festivals on her characters or maybe having a new one? The Dickensian has captured people's imaginations, an annual festival with Peter Rabbit & co might be able to do the same.
Don't shoot me down too hard everyone - just an idea.
Nobody is going to shoot down ideas if I'm in charge which sadly from the Rev's point of view is an unpalatable fact!
Any comments better be an improvement on the above or alternative of similar standard!
We never shop in Lancaster. It is years since we bought clothes in Barrow and very few then. One of the things that drew us to live in Ulverston was easy shopping and the variety of what could be bought here. Unfortunately, the shops where we bought our clothes, outerwear and underwear — ladies, men's children's — no longer exist (so too certain food shops). Dress shops are now for the young spenders. The excellent clothing store opposite Booth's more recently closed down. The big Co-op store where I bought coats, bedding etc closed ages ago. The market has little appeal. Even so, we walk into town most days for various oddments. I prefer to buy local for general goods when we can. The 'good old days' will never return. I doubt many people would want them to! Making it something which it is not will only create a sham of its true intrinsic value. Where are the notices of the beautiful walks that can be trod? Why do people have to wander around looking for a park where they can have their picnic on sunny days? Are visitors aware that a short walk to the Hoad gives fantastic view over the bay, mountains and fells? A photographers paradise! One of the things we found good was the friendliness of the people. (Ironic really considering a certain remark left on one of my blogs!) Push the glory of the area and a grand day out! Ulverston has no shortage of eating places and souvenir shops. I can't see it ever being a popular six days a week shopping spree town. I don't expect many to agree with an oldie like me. Those with money to spend will always want to 'go to town' shopping, and that likely means racing off to the cities.
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