Dying

Many people shy away from this subject.

It occurs to me regularly as I am increasingly conscious that I am mortal and on the way out.

I am aware that I am losing some of my abilities which signals that my body is on the decline. My memory is definitely becoming poorer as I strive to remember people's names - often one's I should know well. My hearing is also on the decline - it is still very sensitive but what I hear is increasingly muzzy as I have tinnitus; that constant ringing in my ear.

Very minor problems at the moment. Never-the-less they are signals to my future.

Strangely one part of me reacts positively to this awareness. For me it's a good feeling as it produces a  determination to pack every bit of living into what time I have left.

It could be that this approach may actually lead me to live longer!

What excites me  is being able to still develop skills and achieve things I have never done before. This may take more time than when younger but I can measure improvements anyway.

Writing this blog is one activity that stretches me. Consider that I saw English as my worse subject at school (Maths was my best). In spite of passing nine subjects at O-level, I failed English. I used to agonise at writing essays as part of my Friday night's homework - I'd start on Friday, work on it on Saturday and regularly sat doggedly at it on Sunday morning. I've still got some of the sketches of flowers sitting on the table that were done when I was sat 'doing my essay'.

Playing and composing on the piano is now one of my pursuits, almost an obsession because I'm enjoying the outcome so much.

Working with other people is also another new thing I'm learning to do. I've always been a loner - aware that if I want a result the quickest and easiest is to do the lot myself. I often can because I've developed a variety of skills as I've lived and can turn my hand to a lot of things, especially practical.

Now however my goal posts have changed and I'm not so interested in getting a job done as I am in encouraging others to do it with me. This is a great challenge for me at this time as I'm involved with a group of people even now; feeling my way gingerly through this new experience.

These are a few of the things that are encouraging me to attempt to live life to the full . . . until I die . . . which may well not be in the next thirty years . . . who knows!