Wednesday 29 December 2010

"Absolutely Lethal"

Have you heard this expression anywhere recently?

Are you privileged not to have heard this expression recently?

A small amount of snow must, by now, have wiped out 98% of the population of Ulverston if not England.

Welcome to immigrants who are perhaps, a little more surefooted.

There must be empty houses everywhere and jobs galore to be found in the mortuaries.

Welcome to the country of overused expressions !

Is it a match though for the phrase "I'm with you 110%"

There goes all that effort in teaching maths in our classrooms - down the plughole.

No, it must be a big hole, let's say a massive sewer.

 "Oh, I've got it all wrong" you tell me.

It's me that needs to go back to school.

'Asolutely Lethal' actually means 'you might fall over if you're not careful' (I wonder how many even did that).

Being 'with you 110%' actually means ' I agree with you at the moment but forgive me if I change it in the next 30 seconds if I get a better offer'.

Naughty Geoff - slap wrists  and go stand in the corner with the dunce's hat on until you've written the hundred lines you've been set.

"I must learn to speak English proper"

It would  help if you spelt correctly too.

Now that I can certainly improve . . . .

10 comments:

A.R. said...

At least 2 people suffered broken arms as a result of falling outside the health centre - which should be a high priority for gritting. Plenty of people fell over and many more stayed at home ,fearful of falling. The local authorities have failed miserably to do their job - but still expect to be paid for it. And for having 2 weeks off with pay !!!

Anonymous said...

A.R. We really do live in a nanny state. Why are you blaming the local authorities for people falling over in the snow. Unbelievable!

Anonymous said...

This article is well cool geoff

Anonymous said...

The practice managers at the health center should be sacked or given a shovel shame on them and all staff who walked past the grit box.
"In times of austerity it's our duty to focus on gimlet-eyed middle-aged women with oversized wooden beads and weirdly-spelled names like 'Shealagh McLabrador'.
"And then there's the red-faced man who need to take six months off with stress and get regular visits from professional cuddlers, after getting over-excited by Toy Story 3."
Gritting is below their status
No Grit No Pay would soon solve it.

Geoff Dellow said...

Thanks Anon.

I support A.R. here.

We cleared the path all the way from The Gill to its drive.

It's sad that the last bit caused problems but was this a question of unlucky timing?

I guess the inflexibility of a big organisation like the NHS can't cope with the unexpected.

We freelancers can!

Is this the way of the future with Government cutbacks?

A R said...

To the first Anonymous comment - I don't think it's unreasonable for the council to be expected to grit the health centre forecourt. Most people who go there are in ....ill health ! If I had my way I would send for the army of Social Security scroungers who infest this town and make them clear the streets.

Geoff Dellow said...

I think you're on to something A.R. This scheme could have lots of merits.

Now they could help with filling in the pot holes while we wait six months for Cumbria County to get round to it.

Dare we hope that a councillor dares to recommend such a scheme - or would they be too frightened of losing some popularity and votes?

A.R. said...

Do you think any of the aforementioned actually bother to vote ? By the time they have been to the PO ,Bargain Booze and the bookies ,the poor lambs are tired out and need to get a taxi home .

Anonymous said...

Hey, I am checking this blog using the phone and this appears to be kind of odd. Thought you'd wish to know. This is a great write-up nevertheless, did not mess that up.

- David

Geoff Dellow said...

The wonders of modern communication!